Jeannine Evers - OUTSIDE LOOKING IN
Updated: Jul 12, 2019
Hi my name is Jeanine Evers. I am 26 years old, married to my husband for 4 years, and soon to be a mom to a sweet baby boy in October. I am a Special Education teacher and have been living in the Shreveport area for one year now. I love my church, Shreveport Community Church, and SC SISTERHOOD.
I was recently in the panel for Sisterhood and Pastor Sarah asked me the question, “Have you ever felt alone, like you were on the outside looking in?” And here is where I get to share my story:
I have definitely have felt alone. To be honest loneliness has been a huge part of my life. I remember at about 8 years old my mom remarried and my step dad worked for the prison system. With that came a lot of promotions and transfers and that’s really where my heartache began. I remember I was in a small town and school where my family lived and I was a fun, loving little girl. That all changed with every move that we made. I was in a different school every single year well into Junior High, as we moved all throughout Texas. I remember being the “new girl” with every new grade. With that came a lot of pain and insecurities. I experienced so much rejection and loneliness. I felt that no one cared to know me or know my name. I was the girl who was alone at the lunch table, who didn’t have a partner in class, or who didn’t have a group of friends that I saw everyone else had and already grew up with. Eventually I learned to take that identity and live a life style of being alone. This followed me well into my college years. I realized I had built up walls in my life and did not know how to let anyone in. I didn’t know how to be vulnerable with anyone or really how to be a real friend. Later I realized that this was my way of trying to protect myself from future hurt because I never knew when the new move would come again or when my new semi-friend would be removed from me. It was best for me to not even try to really invest myself in relationships, or so I thought. I found myself in a deep depression while first taking my first nursing pre- req. college credits. I had matured enough to see what I had become and how it unfolded. But God had revelation and healing planned for me to experience in yet another new town and new university. After many non-acceptance letters for nursing school, which deepened my depression because academics was what I felt I had the most control of growing up, I changed my major to Applied Behavior Analysis. This new career path still enabled me to practice compassion, be a nurturer, and work with kids. All my credits transferred over towards my new degree plan. Not 1 credit or dollar was wasted. It was summertime and I felt like God had the door wide open for me to go through. I remember I had 2 weeks to find a roommate and a place to stay, so I made a roommate profile. At the time I was actually in Florida on vacation and I had just got engaged. Later that night I got a message from a girl that said she would love to be my roommate. She told me she loved the Lord and was a Christian. She ended up being the best friend that I never had. I was so broken at this point that I was vulnerable. I opened up to her about myself and all my fears and insecurities. She wasn’t just another girl, she became a sister. She listened to me, prayed with me, did Bible Studies with me, and had so much fun with me being college girls in a new city. I experienced so much healing. She was a huge blessing in my life and she helped me conquer so many fears. We sought God together and experienced the presence of God together in our apartment so many times. She was a seed that was planted in my life to move forward and seek relationships fearlessly.
Pastor Sarah then asked me the question, “What do you think God taught you through that?”
1. God showed me that His Love was always a constant in my life. Without the love of God, I really feel like I would have been hopeless. He was always my faithful friend. From a young age, I loved the Lord. I remember during my high school years, when I felt more than ever that I didn’t belong, I experienced the love of God in a glorious way. I was so ready to get home and play worship music or Jesus Culture in my room and would bathe in the tangible presence of God. He would give me hope for my future and help me face the next day.
2. Something else God taught me through my experience is to always secure my identity in Him or in Christ. It’s still so easy to find yourself feeling lonely. Especially with our culture and social media. It’s so easy to feel left out. But what I’ve learned is that the more I know who I am in Christ, the more secure that I am. I realize that my identity is in Him. I can replace all of my painful past, my insecurities, my fears, and all the lies with His constant truth. -That I am fully loved and known by God. -That I have peace, joy, power, and boldness to live out through Him. -That I can walk into a room full of strangers, fully secured by His love and empowered by His Spirit to be bold and make friends. I think of the scriptures in Ephesians that say we are God’s masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago…I pray that you may have the power to understand the love of God- how wide, how long, how high and how deep His love is. That you may experience the LOVE of Christ., though it is too great to understand fully. THEN you will be made COMPLETE with all the FULLNESS of LIFE and POWER that comes from GOD. Ephesians 2:10, 3:18-19 NLT
God showed me that His Love was always a constant in my life. Without the love of God, I really feel like I would have been hopeless. He was always my faithful friend.