My battle began at 16 years old. I became pregnant and was in complete denial. Not wanting to believe that I was actually pregnant, I ignored the signs and hid it from my parents for 7 months. Since you can only hide a pregnancy for so long, my mother eventually caught on, and one test later, our lives forever changed. We were completely devastated and heart broken. I was raised in a very “normal” home; amazing parents who are still married and brought me up in a loving Christian environment. Being 16 and pregnant was the worst possible thing that could have ever happened to me. It was at that time that God began to pave my way through the battlefield.
Long story short, I ended up moving to Tyler Texas into a maternity home, which was a beautiful log cabin on the lake. There were 12 other girls in the home during my stay. While living there, I was provided with two counselors who walked me through my options of either adoption or taking my baby home with me. Both options seemed absolutely horrific. The thought of bringing home a child at 16 was terrifying and the thought of handing over my baby to another family seemed physically impossible. The only thing I knew to do was to pray. At church that Sunday on January 9th, 2004 I gave my life back to Jesus. I wrote in my journal “if it took me being pregnant to change my life, then so be it. I know this is all part of God's plan for my life and I can't wait to see how things turn out.” God really began to build me during this time of my battle. My journal notes turned from venting and complaining to intentional daily prayer. Not only praying for myself, but for others.
I asked God to show me what to do with my baby. After meeting with two adoption counselors, i decided that adoption was the best route for me. Deloris and Carol provided me with three different scrapbooks. I took the three binders up to my room to study. Each scrapbook was created by families who had been struggling with infertility for years. I fell in love with a pink and orange striped binder, and anyone who knows me knows I would have made something just like it! The binder even had orange fringe around the bottom of it! I could tell some women had put her heart and soul into it. I ultimately fell in love with the family inside that striped binder and had a peace that surpassed all understanding that I was making the right decision. The couple looked just like my parents and had been trying to have a baby for 7 years. I loved their story and everything they desired to give their future child. I prayed and asked God to give me confirmation that they were “the ones.” During one of my Doctors’ appointments, my doctor asked me if I had decided to go through with adoption or if I was going to bring my baby home with me. I explained to him that I had fallen in love with a family who desperately longed for a child and had a peace that adoption was the best route for me and the baby. I told him all about the family and he eventually asked me their names; when I said Brad and Melissa, his eyes lit up and said “Wow, I am their fertility doctor. I have been trying to help them get pregnant for the past 7 years; I promised Melissa that I would deliver her baby one day and HERE YOU ARE!” It was in that moment that I felt God's big daddy arms wrap around me. I knew from that day forward that he was a good God and that he was worthy to be trusted. I knew that if I would just surrender to him that he would take care of me. I knew that I could trust him with my life and the child that he was growing inside of me!
I ended up meeting Brad and Melissa in person and fell in love with them even more. I asked a bunch of questions and they gladly answered. Another God moment- They asked me what my name was, when I said “Melanie Jane”, Melissa passed me a piece of paper that had “Emma Jane” at the top of the list. It was their first choice as a name for her! How amazing? The same middle name!
God took my ashes and turned them into beauty; because that's the kind of God that he is. He makes miracles from messes and turns test into testimonies. He built me and anointed me for that battle and it changed my life forever. He carried me through up until the day that I had to hand her over. I knew his hand was on my back as I left her and said goodbye for the last time. I’ll never forget that day; it was the hardest day of my life. In the midst of my pain, God never left my side. I knew it was him, because I had never felt more peace in my life and still to this day have never regretted placing her for adoption. I'm so thankful for that battle. It has built me into a better mom and has given me a passion and purpose for pregnant teens. What I thought was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. God worked all things for the good! Selah!
God took my ashes and turned them into beauty; because that's the kind of God that he is. He makes miracles from messes and turns test into testimonies. He built me and anointed me for that battle and it changed my life forever.